Waiting For The Lightbulb To Flash

Story ideas. I’ve got tons of them. Ideas for m/m romance, m/f romance, and f/f romance. I also have story ideas for fantasy/sci-fi; a genre I never thought I’d ever be attracted to but the television series “Doctor Who” quickly took care of that, seduced as I was by the writing of Russell T. Davies.

I’ve got story ideas for mainstream fiction, horror, and thriller stories. And, yes, I even have titles for stories that are nothing but pure smut. There’s still a place for stroke material, isn’t there?

Three weeks ago I submitted “Learning To Samba” for consideration. I knew it would take several weeks before I heard back so I figured I’d jump on a new story immediately so I don’t waste time lamenting, wondering, and checking e-mail every 15 minutes. What I found, however, was that I needed time away from the story, almost the way you do when you break-up with someone.

So, I gave it a week. Now, here I am, still waiting. I’m ready to move on. The trouble is I have so many ideas I don’t know which one to start with! I feel passionately about all of them and, eventually, would like to write them all (hopefully I’ll live until I’m 199).

For the past two weeks I’ve spent hours, if not days, in front of the computer attempting to start something new. I’ve got 6 or 7 stories in various stages of development. And yet, nothing is sticking firmly to my heart. Much like Voldemort and his horcruxes, my soul is divided amongst the stories; that’s not even taking into consideration stories I’ve begun in the distant past, novels which are perhaps half-finished.

As a reader, deciding what book to pick up next is far easier for me, even though I do wind up struggling. I guess that’s why I have several books by my side of the bed, all in various stages of completion.

As a writer, however, choosing what to write next is NOT so easy.

Friends and fellow writers have suggested I choose based on what calls to me the most. Others have asked if there is one that stands out to the point where I can’t sleep or do anything but think of it. I’ve even gone as far as writing the basic premise of each story on a piece of paper, folding it up, throwing it into a box, then picking myself a winner; so to speak. But even that hasn’t helped and I’m frustrated even more than when Writer’s Block strikes.

So, here’s what I’m wondering. Short of having a contest where people choose what story I write next, do any of you suffer from the same symptoms?

If you’re a reader, how do you choose from the, literally, thousands upon thousands of stories out there?

If you’re a writer, how do you choose you’re next story? Do you have any sure-fire way of selecting a plot and sticking to it? Any superstition or habit that allows you to move freely from one story to the other? Do you flip a coin or do you simply wait for that proverbial light bulb to go off?

>Standstill

>I know first-hand the physical manifestations that pressure can cause on the body. I’ve had unexplainable migraines, weird aches and pains and other odd sensations the doctors weren’t able to see even after dozens of tests. There was no “cure” and nothing for me to take except their words. “It could be stress-related.” I believe that. I’ve had a nervous stomach for years! Not to be gross but certain types of stress will send me racing to the w/c and you won’t see me for a while.

Why then, do I do things that make me get stressed out? Why do I force myself to do something when I’m not ready? Why must I occupy every single minute of down-time with something “productive” and why do I feel that I’m being unproductive when I’m sleeping, reading or having any other kind of fun?

Isn’t it possible that, after finishing a story and mentally typing the proverbial “The End,” perhaps we need time to pull away — the way our bodies need sleep — and re-charge the batteries before jumping into the next story? I’m beginning to think so. Accepting it, on the other hand, is a different matter altogether.

About a month ago, when I finished writing “Learning To Samba,” I decided to give myself the luxury of waiting two weeks before polishing it up. Something within me resonated and I took it to mean it was the right thing to do.

When the two weeks were up, I picked up the book again. I slashed, I added, I reworded. Then, when I was satisfied with what I’d done, I submitted it.

Once upon a time I thought that would be a momentous occasion for a writer; a moment of rejoicing! In fact, even though every little milestone in the writing process is an achievement, nothing could be further from the truth about the elation I imagined I’d feel when I sent the story along for consideration.

Those of you who’ve read my posts on the writing experiences I’ve had will know that this is only one of many opportunistic moments for doubt and self-flagellation; and not the fun kind. This is when second guessing and insecurity usually come out to play.

This time, instead of giving in to that psycho drama/babble, I thought I’d be smart and start a project immediately after. I figured it would preoccupy me to the point where I’m not checking e-mail every 15 minutes to see if my editor has accepted or rejected the manuscript.

Furthermore, I thought since I’d already wasted so much time dreaming about writing, then wondering if I could do it and giving up only to start up all over again, it would help make up for that lost time. Besides, I’m not getting any younger and the ideas just keep on coming ever since my first book was released! I’m running out of time and I can hear the clock ticking.

So, off to start that new project I went!

That’s when I discovered I was tapped. The ideas were there but nothing was coming out right. I was putting too much pressure on myself to do something when I wasn’t ready. In a way, it’s like forcing yourself to go out on a date immediately after a break-up. I’m beginning to think that after every story is finished, perhaps I need to go through a mourning period of sorts. You know, process my emotions and file them away before I can reawaken spiritually and start to live again through new characters and events?

So I’m thinking I might re-learn the value of a 10-hour sleep session, go for a walk, and play with the dogs. I think I’ll re-evaluate my physical activities and get back to the gym; challenge myself with new experiences and take time to work on the physical me.

Most importantly, I think I need to learn that sometimes — like the Rune symbol “I” Isa — I need to learn how to remain still, turn inward and wait for what will surely come: another ripe idea at the right time; once I’ve processed and let go of the last one.

>Guest Blog: Johnny Miles

>

The Importance of Well-Written Book Reviews

I’ve been wanting to write on the subject of book reviews for a while now. The problem is that, like religion and politics, the subject is probably best left alone or undiscussed. But I can’t help it. I’m gonna go there.

Once I decided to write about reviews my problem became the angle. What approach do I take? What exactly do I want to say about them and how do I say…whatever it is…so that no one — writer, reviewer, or reader — is offended? But I’m afraid that human nature being what it is, I’m bound to offend someone even if it isn’t my intention.

With that in mind, let me start by saying that if you want to be pissed off, go ahead. Get pissed. Do it now, without reading my thoughts. Just log off, step away from the website and get on your soapbox.

If, on the other hand, you’re like me and would like to at least listen to what I have to say — before you decide whether or not I’m insane for writing about reviews — then please proceed. All I ask is that you keep an open mind.

So…what is it about reviews and why do they matter to us as writers? Did we not get validation as children? Were we not accepted by our peers growing up? Perhaps our parents or elders didn’t respect us enough? Maybe they thought we were a burden and believed children should be seen and not heard?

I know insecurity and self-esteem may have a lot to do with the desire to seek validation. Take my word for it. I speak from personal experience. The good thing is that as I grow older I require validation less and less. Sadly, it took me 48-ish or so years to realize.

But, just because I no longer need the personal validation doesn’t mean I don’t want to know what you thought about my work. That’s where the review comes in and here’s where I need to tread lightly.

Reviews can be an absolute joy! I’ve gotten many wonderful comments for both, “Casa Rodrigo” and “Lauderdale Hearts.” Reviews can make you feel euphoric. They’re an emotional high that are as inspirational as surely as they are motivational. Reviews can also describe your work to readers thus helping you build a fan base as well as help establish you as an author.

And, yes, reviews are a form of validation; the type that tells us we’re on the right path and that we’ve chosen the right career.

However, there are many great dangers in relying too much on seeking out what others think about your work. For all the positives a review can bring, they also have a down side. They can be detrimental to your mental health and future as a writer. They can turn you around during a banner day and have you spiraling within seconds. It might take days, weeks, or months to recover. Sometimes years. Some people don’t recover at all.

I almost allowed my very first review of “Casa Rodrigo” to do that to me. It wasn’t a long review and they said anything negative about my writing, or me. But it hurt nonetheless because it was my first book, my first child, my first review. I felt like I was being judged.

Forget, for a moment, that the topic wasn’t an easy one to research or write about. And let’s face it, although “Casa Rodrigo” is a love story — as much as there can be a love story — between a young Spanish Master and his slave, slavery still presses a lot of buttons. I know several readers had a difficult time with the content. I know this because they took the time to write and tell me. But they also took the time to tell me why along with what they liked about it. Interestingly enough, I didn’t go into a depression. I think the key was that they didn’t just say, “I don’t like it” without backing it up. It’s the one crucial element that can make or break a writer’s group and it’s the one thing that, to me, makes all the difference in the world between a well-written review and a bad one.

Here’s where I might need to tread a bit more lightly; especially because I’ve been fortunate. The reviews that followed the first were all well-thought out, carefully critiqued and diplomatic in presentation. For that, I’m far more grateful than the reviewers will ever know. But that’s what you get with a good reviewer: a delicate balance of description without spoilers (or at least a spoiler alert) and a critique/judgement of the piece itself. Not the author.

Some of the reviewers I’ve worked with are also writers. Some just love to read. And no matter what they’ve reviewed, from what I’ve seen, they’re very careful about what they say. They find the positive and beef it up. If they don’t have something good to say they find a positive spin on what could otherwise be a very harmful situation. Words, after all, can cut far worse than any knife.

On the flip side, though, as writers we must remember that reviewers have other things on their plates. Most have day jobs, as well as their own writing. They might not be able to connect with our characters or identify with what they’re going through. Or, as I think was the case with my first, they just didn’t like the subject.

Of course, there’s always one final possibility. And I sure as hell hope this doesn’t come back days, weeks, months or even years from now to bite me in the ass… but, maybe…just maybe…our story just isn’t all that and the bag of chips we thought it was?

In an interview, Bebe Neuwirth said Bob Fosse once told her, “Never read reviews.” A very close and dear friend, also a writer, said the exact same thing to me. Whether or not she knew Bob Fosse had said that, I have no idea. The only thing I know is that despite the warnings, in spite the horrible angst, the pain my stomach, and the anxiety, I look forward to reading reviews.

You see, everyone wants to belong. Everyone wants to be heard and accepted. Everyone wants accolades. Even the most aloof and jaded of people, who like to pretend they’re loners, rebels, or above it all, seek some form of validation from someone at some point in their lives. I just think it’s in our nature. We just need to remember that as writer’s, like stage actors, we are judged on our work whether we want to be or not.

But what a joy it is when we get a 5 out of 5!

In closing, I’d like to say thank you to all the great reviewers who care enough to think carefully about how they phrase their comments and how they present it. Most importantly, I’d like to thank the reader for without them, we wouldn’t be able to do what we want to do for the rest of our lives. Make up stories.

About Johnny Miles: Johnny Miles first burst onto the world of gay erotica in 1985, when he published his first short story for self-abusers. Since then, his work has been in Blueboy, Numbers, Stars, Honcho, First Hand, Skin, Male Insider and, more recently, Handjobs magazines.

After several decades of experimenting with different careers – graphic designer, massage therapist, phone sex operator and human dildo – he spurt back into the world of erotica in 2008. Since then, Johnny has appeared in several porn movies, self-published three gay erotic books, and co-founded amateur, gay porn company, Horndawg Productions, Inc.

His latest novel, Lauderdale Hearts, is now available as an e-book from Loose Id Publications. His first book Casa Rodrigo is also available as an e-book and trade paperback. For a full list of titles, click on “WORK” above, or click here.

Johnny is currently working on a third novel entitled “Learning To Samba” as well as putting together a third collection of gay erotic stories. In addition, he keeps busy by filming, editing and doing anything else that will make a fast buck or get him into trouble.

Johnny lives in Fort Lauderdale with his partner (and silent sufferer) of nearly 14 years, along with 4 lunatic Pugs and a prissy, Prima Donna cat.

>Johnny Miles

>

Johnny Miles

Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions, Johnny. We are very excited and can’t wait to learn more about you.

Are you kidding? Thank you for having me! The excitement is mutual.

Can you tell us a little bit about your background?

Well, I’m originally from Brooklyn, New York and of Puerto Rican descent. I grew up in East New York, which is a ghetto and was exposed to a lot of fighting, racial tension and drugs. I think that’s probably the reason why books were such an important part of my life.


In high school, I figured if I was going to be a writer I’d better learn how to type. So I did! I was the only boy in a class of 33. Everyone called me crazy, among other things, but it worked out to my advantage. I had a pretty good speed with low errors and because of that my typing teacher recommended me for an afterschool job in the Graphic Arts department.


Since then, I’ve had all different kinds of positions – telephone sex operator, customer service rep, massage therapist, caterer. I was even in the adult entertainment industry for a while but so far, hands down, my favorite is writing.

What was your first book and how long did it take to get it published?

My very first book was “Summer For Two” and it was never published. I wrote it when I was…15? 16?. I remember working on it day and night during the summer when I was off from school. Like a lot of young writers, I thought it would be an instant bestseller! It was 500+ pages, double-spaced, on onion skin of all things! And it was complete trash. In a way I wish I had kept it but I threw it away.

I’ve written other books since then but they’ve been self-published. It’s a fun, exciting and sometimes frustrating process but not nearly as exciting as having a book published by someone else and getting paid for it.

In that sense, “Casa Rodrigo” is my very first. It’s a M/M historical romance between a plantation owner and a slave. It took about 9 months from start to distribution.

How many books have you written thus far?

I have a total of 5. Three are self-published and are very graphic M/M stories; “Casa Rodrigo,” which was published by Loose Id, and I’ve just completed a fifth. But it’s not ready for submission just yet.

When did you start writing erotic romance? What about this genre interested you the most?

I’ve always written gay erotica. Back then it was called porn, though. I wrote for a lot of now-defunct magazines then stopped for almost twenty years.


Then, in January of 2009, my partner and I went on a cruise where we met Treva Harte. She and Bobby Michaels both encouraged me to write an erotic M/M romance. I had never done so and thought, what the hell? How hard could it be? Boy was I ever wrong!


It was much, much harder than I thought. Writing good sex is one thing. Writing a good story is another. Writing a good story where you get to mix the hot sex into it is, in my opinion, akin to being a Master Chef. The ingredients have to be just right and go in at the right time or the flavor is all wrong.

Do you write full time?

Not one hundred percent but I’m working towards it.

Looking back was there something in particular that helped you to decide to become a writer? Did you choose it or did the profession choose you?

I’ve always written. Ever since I was a little boy. But in Junior High, my homeroom teacher assigned us a project. I can’t even remember what it was. All I know is that I wrote, from memory, the story of “The Wizard of Oz” after having just seen the movie.


Of course, coming from a Spanish household where English was my second language, I had no clue it was already a story! The teacher pulled me aside and told me I couldn’t do things like that but he was impressed and suggested I should give serious thought to becoming a writer. Years later, I would discover that what I had done was to be called “novelizations!”

On a typical writing day, how would you spend your time?

It’s quite boring, really. After seeing my honey off to work, I answer my e-mail, chat on Facebook for a bit and then immerse myself in whatever project I happen to be working on. I usually take a half hour for lunch and then keep going until my partner comes home. Sometimes, if I’m particularly inspired by the fickle muses or if I’m on deadline, I’ll get back to work immediately after dinner and work until it’s almost bedtime.

See? Nothing glamorous I’m afraid. Though I DO eventually want to get back into a good workout regime. I used to have really nice arms; or so I was told.

What kind of research do you do before and during a new book?

I sometimes do research before starting a story but usually it’s more of a research-as-I-go type of thing. I go online to check things out but I’m not a good researcher. I get frustrated too easily when I don’t find the answer I want right away; especially if something in the book hinges on a certain detail. That’s when I usually ask Treva. Or I throw it out there on Facebook. Most times, though, it’s “Ask Treva.” I think she should start an advice column!

How much of yourself and the people you know manifest into your characters? How do you approach development of your characters? Where do you draw the line?

Parts of me? Definitely. Other people? Sometimes. Mostly, up to now, my writing has been about fantasy. Though some characteristics do come from real people at times. But I don’t emulate people outright. I like to people watch and make up stories about them so it’s easy coming up with character bios for personal use.

How long does it take for you to complete a book you would allow someone to read?

The one I just finished was completed in under a month. My critique partner read it almost immediately after it was done or rather, as I would complete a chapter. My partner is reading it now. But that’s it. I don’t think I’ll be able to let anyone else read it until I’m done editing. Hopefully by the end of the month!

If you weren’t sitting there right this very moment answering our book of questions, what else would you be doing?

I have a freelance project I should be working that will help me pay some immediate bills but if that weren’t on my plate to do next, I’d probably be editing or working on another story. I like to work with a schedule or I just sit in front of the computer researching – yeah, that’s the word – researching, xTube and get nothing done.

Writers often go on about writer’s block. Do you ever suffer from it, and what measures do you take to get past it?

Writer’s block is a very real thing. It’s a horrible nemesis and a writer’s worst nightmare. It happens to me frequently and sometimes I’m at a loss for days on end. I used to force myself, thinking I had to keep going, that it would flow again. But I’ve come to realize that the thing to do is step back. I’ll do housework or some other mundane chore that I let pile up. Once, I started working on a new story but then I got sidetracked and didn’t want to work on my previous piece so I’ve decided that’s no good.


Usually, when I get blocked, it’s because something is happening in the story that I’m not happy with or that isn’t working. Sometimes a character has hijacked the story and has taken it in a different direction, only I haven’t realized it at the time. Blockage seems to happen a lot more when I work on the fly, with no plot or story in mind other than, “Okay. Today I’m going to start a new story.”

When someone reads one of your books for the first time, what do you hope they gain, feel, or experience?

I want them to have a good time. I want them to feel like they’ve been taken to a different place from where they are. I want them to walk away and say, “Wow! That was a really good story!”

Does the title of a book you’re writing come to you as you’re writing it, or does it come before you even begin the first sentence?

Here’s the weird thing. I can usually help others with their titles. Or sometimes I come up with great titles but I have no story. In fact, I have a list of titles but the stories just haven’t materialized. Even the one I just finished doesn’t have a title.

How would you describe your sense of humor? Who and what makes you laugh?

My sense of humor is often sick and perverse. I’ve been told deranged. But I can totally do slapstick as well! The Three Stooges always make me laugh. So does “Family Guy,” “The Cleveland Show” and “Golden Girls” – the Fab 4, in my opinion – over and over again.

I used to really love Rita Rudner. She was probably my favorite. Robin Williams. Ricky Gervais is pretty funny as well. Recently, my partner and I got hooked on a British show called “Spaced” which was hysterical!

What are you working on now?

I’m working on a contemporary M/M romance involving a 39-year-old advertising exec who has a heart attack and falls in love quite unexpectedly with a Latin hunk while he’s recuperating in Fort Lauderdale.

What was the best piece of advice you’ve received with respect to the art of writing? How did you implement it into your work?

I’ve gotten loads of really good advice along with some that was not so good. Most of it was great, though! And you incorporate what rings true to you, into your routine. The absolute best piece of advice, however, is that I write for myself, in order to find out what happens next.

Writing is obviously not just how you make your living, but your life-style as well. What do you do to keep the creative “spark” alive – both in your work and out of it?

Right now, aside from the occasional freelance project, writing has been it since I don’t have an “official” job. I was laid off February of 2009. To keep the spark alive I talk about things with my partner. But I’ve also found an incredible group of writers and readers on Facebook who are not only supportive, open and willing to share their experiences, they’re nurturing as well.

I also watch a lot of movies and read. I love discovering new music and hanging out in bookstores. Sometimes I even sit in coffee shops and watch people as they walk by.


The spark is always there. I don’t think it ever goes away; at least I hope not. I think it’s just a matter of finding what will make that spark flare then stoke it into a roaring fire.

What kind of books do you like to read?

All kinds. Right now I have 13 books by my side of the bed. Some of them are erotic romances, some are thrillers, others are mysteries. One is a book on how to write a good historical, the other is a how-to on romance. And one of them is a fantasy.

What is your favorite TV show?

My favorite all-time show? Definitely “Golden Girls.” Currently, though, my favorite is “Modern Family.”

What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Just thought we’d throw that in for fun…

Ha! Fast food. Yeah. A guilty pleasure. I’d have to say McDonald’s for their french fries and Wendy’s for their bacon cheeseburger. Oh, and Dunkin’ Donuts. Hmmmm. Donuts!

Without getting up, can you tell us what’s under your bed? (yep, another sneaky question.)

Wrist and ankle cuffs. A pair of genuine, BSO issue handcuffs – Broward Sheriff’s Office; I dated a cop once and stole them from him – a paddle and a broken-down weight bench.

If you weren’t a writer what would you be?

Probably a professional escort or a porn producer.

When it comes to the covers of your books, what do you like or dislike about them?

As far as the self-published books are concerned, I don’t like that the first two have no “real” cover to speak of. It’s just words against a colored background. As for “Casa Rodrigo” I absolutely LOVE it! Anne Cain did an amazing job and I love her work.

Aside from writing, what else do you enjoy doing?

Now that’s a loaded question! There isn’t much I’m not willing to try. Sometimes twice! But as far as clean stuff goes, I love dinner out, traveling, movies and hanging out with good friends.

Any special projects coming out soon we should watch for?

Well, since you asked, I’m very excited about all of them really. The contemporary romance I just finished, which has no title yet. But I haven’t submitted it yet and don’t know if it will be accepted. I’m also excited about a fantasy/sci-fi romance I started; I’ve gotten some very good feedback from a fellow writer. And then there’s a gritty, noir-type story called “Sex Offenders.” I find sometimes I just need to immerse myself into reality and remind myself that life, no matter how pretty or how much of a fairy tale we want it to be, consists of the ugly, tawdry and seedy side of sex and love and violence. Life just isn’t a Disney movie and the grit sometimes needs to be there.

New writers are always trying to glean advice from those with more experience. What suggestions do you have for new writers?

The only advice I have to offer is what I’ve learned after being laid off. Once I started writing in earnest, I couldn’t stop. Now, I MUST write. Otherwise I feel as if I have no purpose and life just doesn’t have any meaning.

You have to some talent, something to start with in order to build and hone. But you have to really want it. You have to be so hungry for it but you must also be prepared for the fact that a first book more than likely won’t be a bestseller.


You have to be able, and willing, to wear different hats in order to help get your name, and story, out to the public. People won’t automatically make you an overnight sensation. I know my first book won’t change the world. But I’m okay with that. It’s more about the experience and the journey.

Frankly, though? As a newcomer I’m still learning. All the advice I’ve received made any sense until I was actually on the road and going through the process.

Can you please tell us where we can find you and your books on the Internet?

There are several ways actually. I can be befriended on Facebook. Or you can visit my website: http://www.johnny-miles.com./ There are links there to purchase the books. To go directly to the self-published books on Lulu: http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=3000562. Finally, for Casa Rodrigo and, hopefully, any future romances, you can go here: http://www.loose-id.com/Our-Authors/Johnny-Miles/

>Casa Rodrigo by Johnny Miles

>

Casa Rodrigo

by Johnny Miles
Loose ID
Length: 205 Pages
POV: Third
Setting: Historical Spain/Caribbean’s
Genre: Slavery/Romance
Book Cover Rating: 4

4.5 KISSES

Buy Here

Blurb:

On a lush, tropical island inhabited by rogues, thieves and villains, where men take the law into their own hands, a father and son are thrust into tumultuous events that will change their lives forever.

Bernardo de Rodrigo is proud of his son. Alonso is handsome and winning, and everyone he meets is instantly drawn to the tall, warm Spaniard. But how could either of them have known that a forbidden love is about to claim Alonso’s heart?

Arbol, the charismatic male slave who was saved from the clutches of Raul Ignacio Martín, feels an instant connection with Alonso, the moment he looks into Arbol’s eyes, the moment they touch.

Bernardo has other things to worry about, however. He’s trying to exorcise himself of an intensely gratifying yet shame-filled sexual affair with Raul, who secretly adores Bernardo but doesn’t know how to show it.

When Raul blackmails Bernardo, their dark and sordid relationship not only threatens the bond between father and son, it places Arbol’s life in danger. Now Bernardo must make a difficult choice that could further alienate his son while Alonso must find a way to keep the man he loves.

Publisher’s Note: This book contains explicit sexual content, graphic language, and situations that some readers may find objectionable: Dubious consent, male/male sexual practices.

Review:

Let me be the first to tell you that I have never heard of Johnny Miles, but now, knowing the talent this man has, I plan on getting to know more of him. He took a time in history and not only taught me a few things, but also almost made me wish I could slip back there and teach them a thing or two. Why?

Slavery is an extremely hard subject for me to approach. I mean, it’s different in a BDSM read, where the person elects to be a slave for his/her Master but this is a whole different type. The slavery in this story is not an option for the poor individuals, they do not have a choice, they are either slaves or they are dead. Those who want freedom, but were unlucky enough to be born into slavery have no hope of ever tasting what so many take for granted. Their freedom.

At the start of this historical a young woman is seen running through the woods, pleading for help, and carrying her baby. It’s obvious she’s running away from something or someone, but we don’t find out what that is until that poor woman is shot and left to die. We don’t find out until a family opens their door to the sounds of gun shots and someone yelling for help. They arrive to the fallen woman just in time to take the baby from her, before she dies.

It’s then we find out that the woman was a slave and she was running for freedom. The child made it, thanks to the family and is raised until he’s five in their home, but totally hidden from the man who killed his mother. Raul. The guy is a jerk who owns slaves, and he’s also the jerk that helps Bernardo, a man who is very married, to get out of financial debt. He does this by blackmailing him into setting sail with him to the Caribbean’s where they will have their own plantations and using slaves to work said plantations.

Bernardo has two son’s, twins to be exact and it was one of those twins that seems to take right after his daddy, his name is Alonso and when he’s a little guy, he actually took little Arbol, who has been in hiding for many years out of Raul’s eyes, a piece of birthday cake. Suddenly we jump ahead by like thirteen years and find Arbol working on the plantation in the fields and find out that he’s gay. Well, all those years he’s without the family that had saved his life from Raul, and he sees his friend again. One whose face he never forgotten, and one he knows he loves with all his heart.

I want to mention that Bernardo has a wife, who hates Raul, and she refuses to ever leave Spain so when Bernardo takes off on the ship, he’s gone for a year at the least and even takes his son’s with him. Come to find out, Bernardo is gay but he denies himself, and stays married to his wife because in his mind it’s dirty to be gay, to love another man. I really didn’t care for him as a person, but I understood his anguish both in trying to protect the young boy whose life he saved and putting him to work on a plantation in the fields out of Raul’s sight, who owns his own plantation up the road. I really wanted him to have more of a backbone but that doesn’t take from the anguish of the story, it adds to it. I mean he’s in bed with Raul and giving into his needs but hating himself at the same time while his son is finding that he is loving Arbol.

I had tears in my eyes reading this one. I can just imagine the heartache. The unfairness angers me. Not only should a person be free to love, they should be free…PERIOD.

Things don’t go easy for the characters here. There is so much torment and I couldn’t stop reading it. I had to know what happened to all of them. Though I was happy to see one get their comeuppance I still had hurt for him because really, he wanted to be free enough to love who he wanted to love without having that feeling that he was being shameful and dirty because he preferred men. Oh the anguish! I’m so glad I wasn’t around back then.

Johnny has done a wonderful job and really, my review hasn’t captured most of it. I simply can say he’s done a wonderful job with the plot, the characters, and the setting? Oh wow, I almost felt as if I was there with them.

If you’re looking to learn a little something with the extra spice of very well done sex scenes? Try this. I am so happy I did.

Reviewer: Michele