I’ve probably read too much gay fiction from the Seventies or Eighties to be as fascinated as I am with the seedy, anonymous hook-up spots that most cities still have these days. Be it around the back of the swimming pool, as was the case in a city I used to live in, parking lots off motorways or public parks, those places saw a lot of the action when being gay was still too taboo to happen in broad daylight. They still see some action now, particularly from folks who can’t or don’t want to be out about who they’re into.
For the most part though, the purely sex-focused hook-ups got the more social add-on of the gay pubs and bars, booming in the Eighties and Nineties. Both as face-to-face meeting spaces to talk amongst yourselves and as a place to find someone you could take home for the night or more, a large part of the gay scene stumbled from the dark of the parks into the bright lights of the nightlife.
Gay relationships and gay life happens in the mainstream these days, gay couples alongside straight couples a regular sight at least in the big cities of the world. While it’s far from universal and homophobia still lurks even in those places, gay social life is no longer hiding in the dark.
While pubs and bars are still somewhat of a staple of gay social life for a certain demographic, most of the younger generation sticks to the clubs and/or, as all other social interaction these days, to internet hooks-up. In the days of Gaydar or Grindr, with Craigslist already mostly a thing of the past, with a blowjob or “just looking for a chat” being a thumb press on your smartphone away (cleverly sorted by proximity), many of the older generation of gay folks lament the death of social interaction with pubs and bars being forced to close for lack of customers.
What separate social spaces used to offer was a sense of community and a sense of shared experience aside from the mainstream. The question is though, with gay life turning into part of the life of the mainstream, how necessary and needed are separate and secluded community spaces? The Facebook generation shares its life in bite sized status updates, usually unfiltered to their 500+ friends — how much does this demographic of the socially and sexually active need its own sexual spaces?
They’d likely argue that they don’t. Their social lives don’t discriminate by sexual orientation and if they want to find someone for a spot of sex, well, there are ways about that. A great deal of social interaction happens at the crossroads of the virtual and the physical world and Grindr just provides the hook-up equivalent to Facebook, occupying a similar space and allowing to make up the disadvantage in numbers by seeking out the specific interest, be it type or preferred interaction, penis size, top or bottom or just friendship.
Gay (sex) life no longer occupies a spot that is necessarily separate to that of straight sex life — Grindr is expanding into the straight hook-up market as we speak.
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BLURB
Life on the dole in a dying town is defined by drinking when you can, smoking to pass the time, and, if you’re gay, going down to the barracks at the old port to get some. Iwan’s got the cigarettes and the booze down pat, but he lacks experience, which has him sticking to online porn and watching other people.
Everyone else seems to have moved past getting what they want, while all Iwan can think of is what could go wrong. He knows who he is, regardless of labels. But no matter how often his best friend Lyn tells him to just go for it, he doesn’t trust other people to see past his mismatched body.
Paying for what he’s afraid to get for free is a long shot, but it’s better than just watching, and it’s better than porn. It doesn’t change the world he lives in, but it changes him.
BIO
Elyan Smith lives in the southwest of England. He works in research during the day and spends most of his free time writing LGBT fiction. Portside is Elyan’s debut release. You can find him at his Website and his Twitter, and purchase a copy of Portside at Riptide Publishing.
Please join Elyan at his next blog tour stop here.
This was such a fascinating read. Again – learned some new things!
Thanks, Elyan!
Thanks Aija! It’s probably not a universal thing, and tons of gay guys wouldn’t hook up via apps or look to hook up semi-casually at all, but I figured it’d be an interesting one to talk about. Thanks for the comment!
I honestly don’t miss trying to find someone in the bar scene. As nice as it was for the moment……..kind of left me empty. Not sure what I would do if I ever got divorced. *shrug* I don’t envy anyone still looking
There’s plenty of blokes who find The One or … you know The One For The Next Few Months Or Years in bars so it’s not only a meat market, but I get what you’re saying. Thanks for reading.
I like the sound of this book, it would certainly teach me a thing or too.
I’m not sure about that
but happy to hear it spurred some interest. I’m doing more of these kind of posts throughout the week, so if you’re interested in reading a bit more about similar subjects, feel free to take a look. http://www.riptidepublishing.com/events/tours/portside-elyan-smith Thanks for stopping by here, appreciate it.
An interesting post, considering how many people are looking for partners in the virtual world(my flatmate found her boyfriends exclusivly throught the online games she played), do you think that internet forums are the new parks( places where you can anonymously hook up with someone)?
I think they might be for some people. You’ll literally get folks who use Grundr to hook up for a quick blowjob or whatnot, a lot of folks who use it for that when they visit a new city. But then you also get folks who use it to just meet up with some guys if they’re on vacation somewhere, for a chat, a drink and hey if more happens, that’s cool. As such I think those apps are more the new pubs/bars where you can choose what you want out of the night, rather than exclusively hook-up spaces. That said – the line between the two is extremely fluid.
Thanks for the comment! And the food for thought there. Cheers.
A interesting post – interactions having changed somewhat with the virtual world being added on.
They have. And I think they’ve done so across all social interactions. I remember first getting on the internet and the internet being an entirely separate space. These days online contact is just an extension of real life contact and vice versa, so it’s not unexpected that that goes for sexual contacts as well as friendships or whatnot.
Thanks for taking the time to comment. Appreciate it.
Just wanted to say thanks for having given me the opportunity to blog here. Greatly enjoyed myself.
Interesting article, thank you
I think we do live a lot more of our lives online these days; it’s one of the things I notice when visiting my parents – how little they use the internet compared to my own use.
My parents, both retired now, used to be software programmers, so they’re fairly net savvy and actively use the internet fora lot of stuff, staying on contact with friends, looking at the weather/rain radar LOL and reading news, I suppose, but it’s a far cry from how much I use it … so yeah, I’d definitely agree.
Thanks for the comment.
Awesome post. I had the opportunity to read your book, Portside. You write wonderful, descriptive, passages. I remember a co-worker finding her husband via the internet. That was more than ten years ago and I thought she was nuts. Back then, the internet was the wild, wild, west.
Thanks very much, Nicci. I think starting relationships online and carrying them over into real life is much more commonplace now than it used to be. And the way the internet is viewed has definitely changed.
Great post! Social interactions did change a quite a bit with the internet.
Thanks! And thanks for stopping by. They have, yeah. I think it’s easy to forget how different things are now than they were, say, 15 years ago even in regards to internet communication and how online and offline lives intersect but it’s fascinating to think about.
Really interesting post…I wonder if the Internet still compartmentalizes social and sexual lives, but in a different way.
Hm! Interesting point! And I’d guess it does for some folks. How you’d use certain platforms to hook up and certain platforms to actually socially interact, for example. I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks for the comment! Appreciate it.